On dealing with dodgy salsa men

I wrote these rules down for a friend back in April 2009 and just found them again. I thought it might be useful for the general population as well, hence why I've decided to transcribe them here. Here is the 3 step plan to dealing with dodgy salsa men:

 

1. Realise that all salsa men are by definition dodgy, up to no good and if they haven't got a girlfriend already that they are planning to cheat on, then that they plan on cheating on you.

 

2. Never dance more than two songs in a row with any salsa man - if you let it reach three, he's exercising extreme restraint if he hasn't yet overstepped the line (tongue down ear/throat, excessive closeness etc...). The rule is that you should dance only one dance at a time with the same guy unless:

 a) you started the dance more than halfway through

 b) some other dodgy dude is stalking you and you need your current partner to be your buffer

 c) the dance was of unbelievable quality, you both totally clicked and cannot fathom letting each other escape to dance with anyone else

 d) you totally messed it up and have to beg for a chance to immediately redeem yourself

 

Dancing three in a row is only ever ok with your best of salsa friends when there is really no one else around and you're using each other as practice material...or well, if you're dating, thinking of dating etc...

 

3. If asked about marital status, always without exception say that you are married...If that lacks credibility, a champion judo boyfriend of massive height will do - combining both is most effective! Saying your boyfriend was an M&A banker to explain his absence used to also be a valid excuse, but is this is no longer something most people are proud of or want to tell the world about! 

 

If you know of any other decent rules for safety from the dodgy salsa man, please share!